I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
