yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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