i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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