You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
