the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Still dying that you shit outside
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
