this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
as a side note pls kill me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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