Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
