It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
