If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
