I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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