i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
