You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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