i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
