when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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