wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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