I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
