I met the friendliest cop last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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