she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
