just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Green mimosas i think yes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
