btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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