sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
