Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
