How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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