this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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