I hate your face
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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