I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
