forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
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