I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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