Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
