i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
