I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
