Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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