one two three fourrrrnication!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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