I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
love makes seman taste better
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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