3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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