So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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