I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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