Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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