4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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