All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
