I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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