we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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