I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
