i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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