The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
