you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
