i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
