What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
