loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
