oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Actions speak louder than pants.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
