my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to sanitize my soul.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
