: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
